As we emerge out of the holiday fog in our little house on Winter Street, I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re about two cards short of a full-house, three cards short of 3-of-a-kind, four cards short of a flush. Money, money, where art thou?? Alas, as the state of Wisconsin has invited us to pay our share of property tax (by January 31st, nonetheless) and we are preparing to file not only the federal income taxes but also Wisconsin and Minnesota’s share………well, it’s time to get creative in the world of Jensen finances. Grumble grumble grumble. This is the part of being a grown-up that no one ever really prepares you for. Too bad you can’t incorporate the “business” of raising a family and write off all the “bad debt” incurred from year to year—maybe this wouldn’t be such a miserable process. For instance, wouldn’t it be nice to be able to write off your water bill?? That way the however-many-gallons of water you let flow into (then leak from) your kids’ defective blow-up pool on a hot day in July could be recouped. Or what if you could claim a refund for the time/money/effort for the garden that you planted but never grew because you live on a mound of clay? Maybe I would like a deduction for the number of hours of lost sleep I’ve spent worrying about one thing or the other with the kids. How about a deduction for gray hairs? This year, that would have been a real payout for me if you know what I mean. Good thing there is permanent hair dye (also not tax deductible)…..
Maybe I’ve got it all wrong. How could I possibly ever imagine quantifying the value of raising a family~ at least in a way that would bring forth a “refund” of any sort. The real “refund” will come later I imagine—much, much later when we no longer owe the world much and can sit back and enjoy the life we’ve imagined for our kids and the people around us.
Still today, as I work out the math of our short-term budget, I can’t help but daydream about better ways to come up with money. And then…. Just when I think I’ve got things all squared away and worked out, the beautiful plan turns upside down, just as the sands of the hour glass flow--- well, these too are the days of OUR lives. The priority of the leaky kitchen facet repair has now risen on the list as the leak has grown to occurring any time the facet is “ON” and not just when it is “On—full blast”…. The priority of replacing Bryan’s tires has climbed the list too as one of the tires has also ironically sprung a leak. I’m detecting a theme here… J The 9 ½ year old carpet is reaching epic proportions of dinginess and the car I’ve piled 50,000+ miles on in less than 2 years has issued it’s own set of you-still-have-31-months-to-pay-for-me complaints. Imagine my dilemma as I calculate the math of the car issue-----in 31 months I will pile another 65,000 more miles (or so) on my little Civic. With 138,000 miles on it already, I will be just over 200,000 by the time I get this little silver bullet paid for. God willing, this Civic will live up to that long-lasting Honda reputation. I think-she-can-I-think-she-can-I-thing-she-can.
I also recently discovered I have an efficient 12 more years of paying on my ultrasound school loans. Doing the math on that one…. Well, I guess I got the timing on my schooling mostly right! Assuming the kids go to college and finish in 4 years, that would mean Cecelia will be 22 and probably graduating from college in 12 years. I’ll be done paying for my college just in time to help the kids pay for there’s. Ha! I’m such a fantastic planner!?!?!
Either way, all these money woes are what makes us just like everyone else—human and mortal. I may not be able to work out every situation just perfect and surely we’ll be a “day late and a dollar short” plenty of times but ultimately we’ll squeak through this life one way or another—and hopefully we’ll be hollering “Whoa, what a ride!” at the end…… We’ve got a pretty incredible opportunity to do this thing our way and see how it all works out and either way, it’s a miraculous adventure.
Speaking of that (a miraculous adventure), our minister offered an incredible message today at church. It was déjà vu for me from something I heard about 20 years ago… but possibly just as impactful. Today’s message (sermon) was entitled “It’s my life…. Really???” and was delivered to a full-house congregation at Bethel Lutheran in Hudson by Pastor Nelson. 20 years ago, the message was less formal—delivered to a small confirmation class of 14 & 15 year olds in the basement of Hawley Lutheran by Pastor Jorgenson. The underlying “message” for both was that God created our body & we have to do right by it for Him. Back “then”, that message fell on the ears of a very, very sick young woman stricken with anorexia. I remember very, very vividly feeling “singled out” by Pastor Jorgenson as he discussed how harming our bodies equaled to sinning against God and that doing things like starving ourselves was harmful to our bodies. Well yes, of course starving our bodies is harmful--- but I was too sick to process through that and too vulnerable to people’s words to see their “side” of things. The power of the eating disorder exceeded any logic or reasoning skills I had and the starvation had distorted my brainpower enough that even if I could come to some logic with it all, I wasn’t physically strong enough to do much about it. Looking back, I’m 100% sure that Pastor Jorgenson saw how desperately sick I was and was just trying to kick me (or at least my faith) in the backside so I could get out of grip of the illness. Nevertheless, that was the first (and last) time I leaned on my faith to help me get through my struggles with the eating disorder. I was angry at Pastor Jorgenson, embarrassed & shamed for a long, long time. Fast forward approximately 20 years-- to today— same message, different ME. I am now nearly twice the weight I was at my sickest (and the same height—yikes), I have God knows how much more brainpower and am so far from the reaches of anorexia that the message of today sounded blessedly 100% different. Amazing how perspective, time and HEALTH can change things. After Pastor Jorgenson's comments, I never intentionally turned TOWARDS my faith as I worked my way out of the grasp of the eating disorder in my late teens........ but today I am pretty sure I couldn’t have made it all the way out of that awful time without it.
So as I contemplate the budget/taxes/money alongside of this odd déjà vu moment from today, I can’t help but smile, maybe even laugh. This life—taxes, weight and all—is perfect, beautiful and everything it was always supposed to be. Thank God, thank my parents, my brother, thank my teachers, doctors, friends, family… Every day has not always been the easiest and there are always going to be new (and old) things to worry about--- but I have finally figured out that it’s probably been faith all along (and loads of other things) that have gotten me this far.
So far, it's assuredly been a "Whoa, what a ride!" sort of life! :) So,bring it on, State of Wisconsin, drippy facet, leaky tires & lingering loans! I've got my budget all worked out (for today anyway!) and I'm (mostly) ready for all of it!!!! (smiles)
