first stitch (homemade) photography

If you're interested, I've also created a private blog to post my "hand-stitched" photos... 
Click the link below or you can also find my blog address in my blogger profile.

www.firststitchphotography.blogspot.com

epilogue to facebook

I’ve done it…. For good. I’ve removed myself from facebook; I assure you (for those who have heard this from me before) this attempt will be my last.  I’ve requested the intelligent brainy people of facebook to permanently delete my page and with that, a full three plus years of my escapades will be lost in that vast unknown of the cyberworld “dump.”

In my first day without the constant company of facebook on my purple Blackberry—that little  “ping” that would alert me when there was new activity affecting me on the big blue page—I’m at peace.  Peace came in knowing that every time I glanced at my Blackberry, I missed nearly nothing (or so it would seem).  There were not three or four new notifications from facebook, not status updates that I “had to” comment on, not links I had too had to quickly “like”, no tags to approve, no wall posts or comments to process.    

Ironically, the change came on the heels of an accidental transition to the new facebook “Timeline”.  While ascetically much more beautiful than the old facebook layout, the quantity of information included on that first screen overwhelmed me, irritated me—enough so that I immediately sought a fix to get back my “classic” facebook.  O Contraire,  there is no such thing (yet) to revert back to classic facebook after you have accepted Timeline--  even with just the “trial” version.  Facebook generously gives you a 7 day trial period to adjust your settings, personalize your page and refine your details--but at the end of that time, whether you like it or not or are ready to post it all or not, it’s becomes your layout in memoriam.  I searched “How to remove timeline from facebook”, “how to revert your facebook page” and “how to get rid of timeline” and all roads led me to the impossible conclusion that once you’ve got it, it’s yours.  Nice.  I’m not a fan of no-way-out situations, and this dilemma was no different.  I now had the choice to stay on, assume the new “feel” of “my” facebook—or decide that this would be the opportunity to finally get rid of it, once and for all. 

Facebook is an odd entity--- you get your own “page” but other than the “stuff” you fill it with, it never was nor will ever be really yours.  Kind of like having a locker issued to you for a school year or a textbook assigned to you to use~ You get to personalize them to a point, but really someone else will have it (and personalize it) for themselves next year and ultimately the school controls them all forever.   

And now, requesting facebook to grant my deletion is also feeling a bit like that feeling when you send something back through the mail for a refund -- the item no longer “belongs” to you, but it is still “yours” (until your back acct reflects the credit or refund).  The difference, of course is that facebook gives no credits or refunds. 

 As I’m sitting in this waiting period of deletion and imagine the obsolete possibility of somehow recouping some of my life that I have “shared” with facebook, what would I want credited back to my “life bank”? 

How much would I love to have the hours back that I spent “catching up” on my family and friends on facebook—and don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it hasn’t been great to stay connected (albeit by a tiny thread), but really if tomorrow came and those people fell ill or something happened to any one of them (you), would the number of hours I have spent lurking in the backgrounds of your facebook page allow you to realize how much I genuinely care(d) about you?  Would the fact that I tried to comment to every relevant post ever made by you prove that I really cared? (or does it just show how much time I devote to facebook since the majority of people don’t ever bother to comment?)  Would my tagging you in every relevant photo prove that you mean something to me (or would it have been better if I had emailed the photo personally or better yet, printed a copy and sent it in the mail?)   Would me writing on your Wall for your birthday give you the feeling that I wish I could express to you on every birthday—that the road from yesterday to tomorrow is not always easy but I’m onboard to celebrate your journey with you-- today.  If things came to an end tomorrow for me or for you, would you know that I really did care?  

Impossible to say.  What can be said is that I can’t account for the number of hours of my life that I’ve given to facebook with proof of closer connections or stronger relationships.  Judgment abound, life has changed.

What I do know is that facebook has created this insecurity inside me that I haven’t been able to rectify with logic or reasoning— Every time I hit “post” to a comment or update something I wrote, I have found myself in a virtual fighters stance, prepared for the possibility that I will be attacked or negatively judged for whatever I had to say.   This.is.not.me. 

So here’s what I’ve come to realize.

     1.   Facebook has changed my relationships.  On reading the News Feed: “I had no idea XXXX felt that way about ZZZZ. Wow.”  On phone/face-to-face interactions with friends: “Oh yeah, I saw that on facebook (but facebook only shows a tiny part of the story)” On birthdays: “Oh my gosh facebook says today is XYZ friend’s birthday. I better post something.”  On family dynamics: “I saw your picture of the kids at XYZ. So happy for them but…why wasn’t I/we invited?” 

      2.  Facebook has made me paranoid.  “What does XXXX mean by that comment on my post?” 

       3. Facebook has made me gossipy, critical and cynical.  “Did you see that post XXXX made?  Can you believe that?” 

      
     4. Facebook has changed the way people are connected with me. On getting together to catch up with a friend: “You’ve really been busy.  I saw you had fun at the zoo last week (but I haven’t talked to you in person or over the phone for over a year).”   ((Implication: Gone are the days where you can illustrate a story verbally and get feedback/share experiences in a face-to-face interaction--- people know too much about what you have been up to so even simple questions that used to be asked “How are you doing?” no longer are being asked….Assumptions are made that whatever has been shared on facebook is essentially the entire story)))

      
          5.  Facebook isn’t fair.  “I saw you on facebook the other night…”--- really, cause I didn’t see you there.  Some of you visited my page but didn’t ever bother to tell me you were there (via comment, like or post). You didn’t comment on any of my new pics, my newest updates--- SO, why did you bother to visit my page if you didn’t leave a note?   Would you visit my house, check out my furnishings and then just leave without saying a thing to me? 

       6. Facebook has made me lazy.  Again, on birthdays: “Ooops I forgot to call you on your birthday—I’ll just facebook you.”   On holidays: “I can’t find XYZ’s address—I will just facebook them (instead of emailing a personal message or simply calling)”. 

       7. Facebook suspends, delays and neglects reality.  “Just a minute, XYZ—as soon as I’m done here (on facebook) I’ll help you.”

       8. Facebook wrecks grammar and embraces an entirely new vocabularly that would never fly on a legal document.   “U make me lol.  WTF.”

            9. Facebook morphs people (just some things to think about):

a.       Facebook paints a lonely person a nuisance.  

b.      Facebook paints a jealous person condescending.

c.       Facebook paints a liar a saint.

d.      Facebook paints a proud mother a braggart.

e.      Facebook paints a sympathetic heart a drama queen/king.

And so on…and so forth.

SO…. what would I want credited back to my “life bank”?

A.    

       My naïve spirit.   I used to assume anyone that was my “friend” on facebook genuinely cared about me or my life the same way I care.  (sounds cynical, I know--- but think about this as it applies to you in your life—especially for the friends who “friended” you only to add to their “number of friends” and then never once interact with you). 

B.       Time.  Of course, time.

C.      Confidence.  I’ve never second-guessed or edited myself more than I have come to do while I’ve been on facebook (even in Mrs. Siegel’s English classes).

D.      Anonymity.   Sometimes it ticks me off to feel like everyone knew a lot about me and my life (since I chose to share a lot) while I knew virtually nothing about them (since they chose to share nothing). 

E.       Sense of priority.  Since when did spending two more minutes on facebook become more important than tucking my kids in at their bedtime?

F.       Love of humanity  (could be  part of that naïve spirt)….  Facebook has made this world look a whole lot more screwed up to me now than I ever thought it was.

I’m now 34 years old.  Starting today, I’m turning in a different direction—and it starts with turning away from facebook.  I’m positive I’m going to miss big days for some of you—at least in pictures or in status updates; I’m sure I’m going to miss wishing you a better day when your day has been filled with bad luck; I may miss grieving with you and I know I’m going to miss the latest updates about kids/babies/babies-to-be… but I’m hopeful to regain some email connections with you or even better—good old fashioned phone conversations or meetings face-to-face.  If you are reading this, I have always and will always care for you—but looking into your life via our facebook accounts these last three years just isn’t proving to be the kind of satisfying connection I need with you.  

If you have something exciting, important or even mundane that you want to share—you know how to get a hold of me.  Somehow I trust if I’m supposed to know something, it will be told.  If I’m supposed to be made aware of news, it will find it’s way to me one way or another.  If I’m important in your life, you won’t leave me out of it just because I’m not longer on facebook.  You may forget from time to time that I am no longer “on facebook” so I’ll miss “stuff” but I have to believe that the "stuff of life" that friends and family are meant to share will continue on forever....If I matter or am truly as important in your life as you are in mine. 

“Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone.”  ~G.B. Stern